For the past week I’ve simply disappeared from cyberspace. All of my usual haunts, such as my blogs and favourite message boards, have been noticeably abandoned. Even my e-mail correspondence has been drastically diminished. Why? I’ve been experiencing a small depressive episode.
In all honesty, these periods of isolation have been part of my life for so long that I consider them completely normal. I can’t imagine living a life of normalcy without the depression that so regularly punctuates my existence. Having days, weeks and even months crippled by depression and spent in isolation (or as close to complete isolation as I can manage with a husband and child) is quite simply part of the ebb and flow of my days. Some times I wonder how much more I could accomplish with my life if I didn’t experience these down times, but daydreams don’t get me anywhere.
I must admit that I am jealous of “normal” people that don’t seem to experience episodes of depression and isolation. I’m sure they don’t know how lucky they are to actually accomplish their dreams and goals without the constant disruption of depression. To start a project and be able to finish it without massive breaks in between is something I dream of experiencing. To actually live life each and every day without needing to take a break and hide away is simply amazing – it’s something I’d give anything to have.
Playing catch up is just another part of the cycle that I hate. Suddenly my inbox is jammed packed with hundreds of unanswered messages and my voice mailbox is full. Last night around 10 I finally came out of isolation and started going through my inbox. Almost an hour later I had answered most of my messages and apologized for being “so busy lately” that I couldn’t respond sooner. I even popped by a few message boards to see what was going on. I still have a couple of phone calls to return, but all in all, I’ve almost returned to the land of the living. It’s nice to be back.