Every year I find Christmas especially difficult. I don't know if it's the stress for perfection, the financial drain, the lack of sunlight, or a combination of all three. But for whatever reason, I always struggle around Christmas time. On Boxing Day (Dec. 26) I always breath a sigh of relief that I survived the holiday once again.
This year I tried to make Christmas a bit simpler. Each of my kids received a gift from Santa and stocking stuffers, and then some clothes, two books and one toy from us. They received so much from grandparents aunts, uncles and cousins that we probably could have got them even less. But, the purpose behind cutting back is that by buying less stuff, I spent less time in stores, which helped lessen my stress (I hate crowded stores!).
Even though, on Christmas morning as the opened gifts piled high in our living room, I started feeling trapped. We have a small house, and I was trying not to freak out wondering where everything will go. So by 10 a.m. on Christmas morning, I was trying to hold down the rising panic about the clutter. I hate clutter. I like clean.
We went out to my in-laws for Christmas afternoon/evening, and although it was very nice, by around 6 p.m. I was feeling overwhelmed again. It's a fairly big family and I was feeling overwhelmed with people and with the noise. Don't get me wrong, I was glad my kids were having a great time running around and screaming with their cousins, but the noise and the constant activity was draining. By the time we left at 8 p.m. I was done. (Getting woken up by a very excited 7 year old at 4:30 a.m. might have contributed to my exhaustion...)
This morning I got up and got to work. By 10 a.m. the Christmas tree was down, the decorations were put away under the stairs and I felt like my life was returning to normal. The kids looked sad that Christmas was over, but it felt great getting the tree out of my little living room. Now I just have to find a place for all the kids new toys...
Does anyone else get stressed out or drained by Christmas? Or drained when around large groups of people with lots of noise and activity? Why do you think that is? How do you deal with it?
I find it really tough. I just posted about that actually (http://brokensaints.wordpress.com/2011/12/26/388/) I didn't cry this year, so that is huge.
ReplyDeleteChristmas is a really tough time for me, especially my anxiety. I don't do well with crowds so shopping can be a nightmare. The holidays in general aren't my favorite because I'm not someone who holds a high value on objects. Spending time with my brother and sister is much more important to me. My family is obsessed with Christmas though so I get dragged along most places. This year I tried to find ways that made Christmas less about presents and things like that. I made it known to my family that spending time with them was more important. Even then, my depression continued to creep in and made it hard for me to enjoy this Christmas. Having lots of people around is really taxing on my energy and emotions. I'm hoping next year will be easier and that I will be in a better place.
ReplyDeleteYes,yes, yes, I feel the same way every single year, and I try desperately not to. I always feel that I spoil the season for my now late teenage/young adult kids and my husband. There are usually some meltdowns. I have a huge wave of anxiety and sadness that overcomes me every year starting in early December. Even decorating the tree makes me stressful. On one hand, I want to entertain and have things perfect...on the other hand I just want to curl up in bed and have it all go away. I haven't had a bad life and I don't have bad memories, but I can't overcome it. Even this year, I decided to do less gifts and try to be organized. I looked forward to my daughter's return from university and festivities with her friends and I am thankful that we still have my aging father around. Even though I don't actually host family dinners I do take a lot of food and organize gifts for relatives and I am ashamed to say I find that taxing and stressful. What I do love is the Christmas music, listening to my daughter singing O Holy Night and of course the live performances of the Messiah. When it is all over and I feel "in control" again, then I feel sad because I didn't enjoy it enough. I do think the shorter days and lack of sunlight contribute to this feeling and I try to get our for some walks on my own, which does help. I know of a couple of people who are truly on their own at this time of the year, and I try to remember how lucky I am...but still feel like a big cloud overhanging my head. Maybe I just need to relax which is the advice my kids give me.
ReplyDeletebrokensaints - I read your blog post - I agree with you completely.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth - I'm sorry it was tough for you as well. Maybe next year will be better.
A - I agree - the stress and loss of control takes a toll. Relaxing is easier said than done ;-)
From what you describe, you may be a highly sensitive person (HSP), which essentially means that your nervous system reacts differently and is more easily over-stimulated than 80% of the population. Google Elaine Aron--she's written a few great books on this topic and you can also take an online test. I now better understand and accept myself and take better care of me because of understanding HSP characteristics.
ReplyDeleteI Hate Christmas. I Hate The Holidays So Bad. God its amazing to find someone who hates the holidays just like i . im starting a new blog. it only has a few posts. but i think you and people who read yours might enjoy it.
ReplyDeletehttp://homewarddbouund.wordpress.com/