The lesson I learned in therapy today is that it's okay to ask for help. It's funny how many times I need to be reminded of that and must re-learn that seemingly simple lesson.
I'm one of those people that doesn't like to ask for help. It's not that I want to be a super mom, or that I need to do everything on my own, it's just that I don't want to seem weak in any way. And asking for help seems weak.
Part of my aversion to appearing weak is because I suffer from depression. You've probably heard the description "weak minded" when describing those with mental illness, I hate that! And so, I tend to over-compensate.
The only problem is that doing everything on my own and never asking for help, isn't the healthiest thing for me. I get stressed out. So, the intelligent thing to do is to ask for help when I need it. And doing what's smart isn't weak, it's strong. Although there is a line I will be very conscious of - the line between asking for help when it's needed and being needy.
So tonight I'm making a list of the things I need help with. It's not a lot, but there are a few things I should loosen my grip on and ask for help with. I'll let you know how it goes!
As you said asking for help, isn't weakness but a strength. The weakness is not using the help or squandering it.
ReplyDeleteYou smile at someone and more often than not they smile back. It's the same with help.
My favorite posts, to read are those like yours. People making an effort to move forward. It matters not if it works the first time. It will :-)
Thanks!
ReplyDeleteThat was something I learned too. Sadly, it didn't last for long. To me, in my head, asking for help either sounds like nagging or it sounds needy. I wish I could always take that "a-ha" moment I felt during therapy and make it last in real world situations.
ReplyDeleteI have never really learned how to ask for help. Every time I do I feel like I am burdening the person I ask in some way. It holds me back in a lot of ways because I tend to wait for someone to reach out to me. I've been working on this for years and I still struggle with it. Like you, I also feel a sense of weakness.
ReplyDeleteWow, that's really interesting. I too do not like asking for help but it's for a different reason - I don't want to be annoying to or a burden on others, so I don't ask. I don't tend to consider asking for help a weak thing, I just believe that I'm super annoying to everyone else! Thank you for sharing about what you learned at therapy.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that asking for help is being weak. Even the strongest people need help in their lives at some point.
ReplyDeleteI get myself into trouble by not asking for help. I work pretty much 'round the clock as a caregiver. And sometimes I NEED a break. So, when I ask someone to help me get a few hours away, I make a big deal of it. I say, "I need to ask a favor." It's not very often. Maybe a couple of times a year. And the person is very willing when he/she realizes how much I appreciate just a few hours away.
ReplyDeleteYou have all made some great points! Fred, I did the "I need to ask a favour" approach today when i asked my neighbour to watch my kids for an hour for me so I could go to Taekwondo tonight.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, she said it was no big deal, my kids and her kids just played together in their playroom, but to me it was a huge deal! I really needed that help and it took courage for me to ask for her help. I'm glad I asked for help today.
Hello there,
ReplyDeleteAs a person that has been struggling with depression and being a single mom, I totally know how you feel about asking for help. You described my feelings to a tee. I am at a point in my life where I don't have a choice and it is so hard to ask, especially when they keep telling mew no, makes asking harder the next time around. Interesting blog. My blog is also about depression and life (kinda) if you ever want to take a look.
I have trouble asking for help, especially from friends. I always feel like I am a burden with my problems. No one wants to hear from a depressed person crying about their problems, who wants that? But the people that love you will always be there for you. I wish I could reach out more.
ReplyDeleteThe hardest part of asking for Help is actually saying it aloud ....those miliseconds when person is just about to reply make me go through hell and often bring up a lot of anxiety ...however ( like someone noted) ...you will be surprised how many people around you will be willing to offer you help !
ReplyDeleteAsking for help is one of the hardest things to do for people with depression. For me the fear was those without depression wouldn't really get what I was saying. Many have the idea that telling someone just to buck up will make everything better, while they sigh with exasperation. That was my experience in the early days. But as the public becomes more educated about depression, I have noticed this doesn't happen as frequently. It is through blogs such as this that we and the public can reach new levels of understanding. Don't stop reaching out. Ever.
ReplyDeleteit's true - people with depression find it difficult to ask for help from other people, even from their parents or significant others. I experienced it before, too, but I found that no matter what there are people who will try their best to reach for me, so I need to do my part and reach for their hands as well.
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