tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134069382012-01-31T08:52:26.825-08:00I hid my battle with depression for over 21 years. I'm done hiding.Jamienoreply@blogger.comBlogger2871100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-84527634936427644292012-01-25T18:57:00.000-08:002012-01-25T19:00:14.854-08:00

Today the Canucks for Kids Fund (CFKF) in conjunction with Fraser Health and Provincial Health Services Authority, and BC Children’s Hospital announced the launch of Mindcheck.ca, a resource website designed for BC youth and young adults, as well as family members and friends, to recognize symptoms and better understand the challenges of mental illness.  Vancouver Canuck defenceman Kevin Bieksa

Jamienoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-1163620523625467002012-01-16T20:40:00.000-08:002012-01-16T20:40:28.093-08:00

When I was younger I rarely watched comedies, never listened to upbeat music or read "light" books. I focused on the depressing, because I thought it was real. Somewhere along the way, I learned that those things brought me down and changed my ways. Today I watch comedies, listen to music that is upbeat and read my fair share of bubble gum books. At first I felt as though that made me shallow.

Jamienoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-71737334416942393022012-01-05T19:53:00.000-08:002012-01-05T19:53:22.595-08:00

Here is a guest post by Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW Approximately 10% of Americans -- that’s close to twenty-one million people -- suffer from depression. Some accounts claim that one hundred and twenty million people worldwide suffer from this burdensome disease. While treatments range from medication to meditation, talk therapy to exercise – having an assortment of tools in your tool box is

Jamienoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-84019702201488084512012-01-01T19:22:00.000-08:002012-01-01T19:22:15.552-08:00

Just like Christmas, New Year's can be a very difficult time. Some people are able to make resolutions, develop new plans, and feel as though they have started the year anew. Others think back over the past year and ruminate on their failures. They don't feel like there is a point in making resolutions or plans because they will just fail anyway. I'm somewhere in-between these two ends of the

Jamienoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-19903195967115493912011-12-26T16:54:00.000-08:002011-12-26T16:54:20.844-08:00

Every year I find Christmas especially difficult. I don't know if it's the stress for perfection, the financial drain, the lack of sunlight, or a combination of all three. But for whatever reason, I always struggle around Christmas time. On Boxing Day (Dec. 26) I always breath a sigh of relief that I survived the holiday once again. This year I tried to make Christmas a bit simpler. Each of my

Jamienoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-27883456185649386352011-12-14T16:16:00.000-08:002011-12-14T16:17:11.761-08:00

This morning I was bubbling with energy, and having a generally good morning. I by-passed the coffee for the 5th day in a row and raved about how well I was doing without it. This prompted my husband to ask me if I've been blogging about my eating habits lately (he rarely reads my blog - he just asks me about it instead). When I told him I wasn't, he suggested that share my experience as it might

Jamienoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-56437466481435328662011-12-07T22:46:00.001-08:002011-12-07T22:54:55.578-08:00

I just wanted to take a moment to tell each of you what a difference you've made in my life. When I write in my blog, I don't feel like I'm writing my thoughts for strangers to read, but rather I feel like I'm writing to my friends. So many of you regularly comment and I feel a very strong kinship with you. We have gone through many struggles together and I have valued your comments, support and

Jamienoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-76072738624995524242011-12-01T20:46:00.001-08:002011-12-01T21:10:36.456-08:00

The lesson I learned in therapy today is that it's okay to ask for help. It's funny how many times I need to be reminded of that and must re-learn that seemingly simple lesson. I'm one of those people that doesn't like to ask for help. It's not that I want to be a super mom, or that I need to do everything on my own, it's just that I don't want to seem weak in any way. And asking for help seems

Jamienoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-66881893950092090052011-11-21T20:30:00.001-08:002011-11-21T20:49:33.140-08:00

A while back I tried getting off Paxil and started taking Wellbutrin. I managed to cut my dose of Paxil in half, but stopped there due to anxiety attacks. After seeing a counselor for a few months, I'm getting a handle on my anxiety and decided I was ready to start reducing my dosage of Paxil again. After about a month now, I've cut my dosage in half. So now I'm taking 5 mg of Paxil a day!

Jamienoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-16427890923352089732011-11-18T22:52:00.001-08:002011-11-18T22:56:00.027-08:00

Online Survey Invitation  Have you ever been diagnosed with some form of clinical depression (including, but NOT limited to, major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder, dysthymia, and others)? Are you currently employed? Are you interested in helping researchers to better understand YOUR experiences at work? And finally, would you like a $10 AMAZON gift card? If you said yes to all of the

Jamienoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-86833169667327274322011-11-14T08:00:00.000-08:002011-11-14T08:00:03.649-08:00

Last week I decided that I needed to do something about the boredom I've been experiencing. It's been a little too wet for me to ride my mountain bike, and there isn't snow for skiing yet, so I need something else to do. So I decided to learn Taekwondo! So, at 35 years old and about 40 pounds over weight, I put on a white Taekwondo outfit, tied my white belt and went to a beginner class. I was

Jamienoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-24577799653024618042011-11-11T20:16:00.001-08:002011-11-11T21:18:38.745-08:00

My Grandpa, WWII Today is the 11 day of the 11 month, which is Remembrance Day in Canada and other Commonwealth countries. It is a statutory holiday. This day of remembrance has been observed since the end of World War I. It's observed on November 11 to recall the official end of World War I on that date in 1918 (hostilities formally ended "at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month

Jamienoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-9835229288036432242011-10-27T01:00:00.000-07:002011-10-27T15:10:52.225-07:00

Today I'm featuring a guest post from Jane Henderson. Enjoy! How I Cured my Depression My name is Jane and I suffered from depression and anxiety for over 20 years. I hated myself, felt like my life was terrible and would never get any better and went to bed and cried for several hours every night, trying to work up the courage to end it all. I saw numerous doctors, psychiatrists and just

Jamienoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-46111691628465254272011-10-24T16:08:00.000-07:002011-10-24T16:08:33.183-07:00

In a recent counselling session, my counselor suggested that I start keeping a gratitude journal and show gratitude to myself for a job well done each day. She said, "Try to find three things each day that you are proud of yourself for doing and recognize that." I told her three would be a lot and that I would try for one each day instead. So that's what I've been doing. For the most part it

Jamienoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-56920866887309250552011-10-16T09:25:00.000-07:002011-10-16T09:25:32.342-07:00

After my TV interview on Wednesday, a lady came up to me and asked if my depression is always with me. I must admit, I was a little taken back. I told her it was. She was a little taken aback - appalled that it would be constantly with me. When I got home, I started thinking about it. I'm still amazed that anyone would think that the illness of clinic depression is only temporary or something

Jamienoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-89946668126294047662011-10-12T19:41:00.000-07:002011-10-12T20:11:58.786-07:00

Guest Post from HelpforDepression.com Give a Click for Depression Awareness Month One of the most difficult aspects of dealing with depression is the social stigma attached to it.  This stigma can manifest itself in many ways, but perhaps the primary block in most people’s mind is that depression is actually something you can just “snap out of” – as if long-term, overwhelming sadness and

Jamienoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-83719926158932718652011-10-11T21:43:00.000-07:002011-10-11T21:43:11.840-07:00

I can't believe so much time has passed since my last post! Sorry to be absent for so long - I've been so busy that I haven't noticed how quickly time has flown by. I also wanted to send a late Happy Thanksgiving shout out to my Canadian friends! Last week I worked over 65 hours - my regular work week is supposed to be only 28 hours. Needless to say, I've been very busy. Fortunately, this week

Jamienoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-42947365014378264902011-09-25T19:26:00.000-07:002011-09-25T19:26:47.419-07:00

Usually when something goes wrong at work, or at home, or anywhere, I immediately think it's my fault. For example, if my boss calls me into her office, I usually think, "what did I do wrong?" I then have a bit of a panic attack and walk down to her office fighting for breath through the tightness in my chest. My therapist and I have been discussing this "everything is my fault" state of mind

Jamienoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-40056930648765417642011-09-21T20:35:00.000-07:002011-09-21T20:35:36.068-07:00

I've been seeing a registered counselor for awhile now and have been finding our sessions together very helpful. In yesterday's session she suggested we try hypnotherapy in response to the issues we were discussing. I had already researched hypnotherapy online and was ready to give it a try. I had read that hypnoses is a natural state of mind. That under hypnosis you feel extremely relaxed,

Jamienoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-14242991304811811632011-09-21T08:00:00.000-07:002011-09-21T16:06:41.832-07:00

Joy TV studios in the Greater Vancouver area is filming a 26 episode series called "State of Mind" on erasing the stigma of mental health and addictions between October 11 - 14. If you live in the Lower Mainland (or nearby), I hope you will consider being part of the studio audience.  The Joy TV studios are in Surrey, BC, on 192 St. and #10 Hwy. For more information on being part of the studio

Jamienoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-36885971835928802462011-09-13T20:06:00.000-07:002011-09-13T20:07:09.898-07:00

Would you go on TV to share the story of your mental illness? Yes - it's a great way to end the stigma associated with mental illnesses! No Way! People would judge me, I could lose my job or worse. I don't know... pollcode.com free polls

Jamienoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-14810371607961810442011-09-10T20:08:00.000-07:002011-09-10T20:16:24.092-07:00

Canada Post has just release a new mental health stamp.This stamp marks the first time in Canadian history a stamp design was chosen by public vote. THE PUZZLE, by Miriane Majeau, from Terrebonne, Quebec, received more than a quarter of a million votes!More than $4.8 million has been raised for the Canada Post Foundation for Mental Health, with nearly $1 from the sale of mental health stamps.

Jamienoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-67924625048240466362011-09-07T21:53:00.000-07:002011-09-07T22:01:42.985-07:00

I received a link to this video/song by Bri Leonard about his experience and battle with depression, the "disease nobody sees".Thank you, Bri, for sending this link to me and allowing it to share it on my blog!

Jamienoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-38290567743919863352011-09-06T20:14:00.000-07:002011-09-06T20:49:00.328-07:00

After work today, I was dying for chocolate, lots of chocolate! With such a strong craving, I realized that it was time to check in with myself and see what's going on before I devoured a bag of chocolate chips (that were originally destined to become chocolate chip cookies for my kids).So I'm checking in with how I feel, why I feel that way and what I can do about it.I feel... stressed out,

Jamienoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-45665866796304216742011-09-01T21:22:00.000-07:002011-09-01T21:32:24.937-07:00

Last week my counselor asked me to think about what makes me feel confident - she wanted me to tap into some feeling of confidence. It was easy for me to think about what makes me confident, mountain biking! When I conquer a difficult trail, land a drop or roll down some steep rocks, I feel like the queen of the world! I feel unbeatable and extremely confident. The minute I thought about how I

Jamienoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-84263762782213510122011-08-23T21:44:00.001-07:002011-08-23T22:02:10.562-07:00

Yesterday when I came home from my counselling session, my husband wanted to talk about it (like usual), but I didn't. He kept asking about how it went, what we talked about, and how I was feeling, but I just didn't want to talk about it. I was exhausted after my session and couldn't bear the thought of re-hashing everything. This morning he asked me again. I didn't want him to think that it was

Jamienoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-32343015143687512842011-08-20T09:05:00.000-07:002011-08-20T09:31:44.638-07:00

I can't believe how much I have learned in only two counselling sessions! It's actually scary to think about how far I have to go. So far I have learned that: - I have very minimal coping skills- I don't know how to comfort myself when I feel sad, mad, nervous (etc.) and use food- my self esteem is very fragile and easily influenced- it's okay and perfectly natural to question my religious

Jamienoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-60256694879128127772011-08-17T22:16:00.000-07:002011-08-17T22:31:28.545-07:00

Seriously, that's the question I'm asking today. Through something totally random, I received a copy of my credit report and discovered that in 2007, someone used my name/identity to rack up just over $1,000 in debt. So I spent today phoning the police, filing fraud reports, and trying to figure out how to get things resolved. Apparently it takes a very long time, which isn't what I wanted to

Jamienoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-46437099066796118332011-08-10T22:08:00.000-07:002011-08-10T22:24:45.446-07:00

After some searching, I think I have found a counselor I can connect with. After a 20 minute getting to know each other meeting, I had an hour long session with her yesterday and have another one planned next week. I haven't had much experience with talk therapy before, so this will be a new experience for me. The last time I saw anyone, it was a psychologist when I was 17 years old. I'm 34 years

Jamienoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-67427389301219817212011-08-07T19:14:00.000-07:002011-08-07T19:29:39.241-07:00

After an amazingly fun week camping, I am now home and getting ready to get back to my regular routine tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to getting up early for work and daycare drop off!Here is a photo of my home for the last week - our tent in a campsite in Bend, Oregon. We were so busy! The week was jam packed with swimming, biking around the campsite, a long canoe ride, an all day mountain

Jamienoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-40359011298779982432011-07-29T22:29:00.001-07:002011-07-29T22:30:33.272-07:00

We just finished packing the car and are leaving first thing tomorrow morning for a week of camping. It might be a long week, because we're tenting and won't have any access to technology, but it will be good for all of us.I'll "see" you in a week! Take care.

Jamienoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-44011488982744552792011-07-26T21:06:00.000-07:002011-07-27T12:51:34.519-07:00

While I was checking out twitter last night I came across a tweet by@chrispytweets bringing attention to an article titled "MP in firing line after saying suicide victims should be condemned". As the title indicates, the MP's comments were appalling!A New Zealand MP suggested that children who commit suicide should be condemned to help deter others from following suit. This member of the

Jamienoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-29536693948969109292011-07-21T22:17:00.000-07:002011-07-21T22:37:01.756-07:00

As you can probably tell from my last post, I've been neck deep in stress lately. Some things have improved, some things are the same, and some things I'm just trying to let go of.I'm also trying to remember that life is a journey and that it's all about that journey. I'm more of a destination focused person, so remembering the journey is hard for me.I keep thinking about the future. I've always

Jamienoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-29479994559875398862011-07-12T21:05:00.000-07:002011-07-12T21:18:18.933-07:00

I will admit that I'm under a lot of stress right now. Current stressors include:1. My job - I've changed my part time hours to full time right now in order to get caught up, but I'm not getting caught up! More work just keeps piling in.2. My husband's job, or non-job and the uncertainty around that.3. My weight - I know, I have enough to worry about, but being overweight stresses me out! I

Jamienoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-74892794329491649282011-07-10T18:06:00.000-07:002011-07-10T20:00:31.876-07:00

Last week, on June 30 my husband came home with some news - they are terminating his position at work. It's not a reflection on his work during the 12 years with the company, but a financial issue. The news kind-of sucks.Like anyone, I don't like change that is unexpected and out of my control. It kind of sends me for a loop.I'm trying to look at this from a positive angle, but if you suffer from

Jamienoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-739803242528291122011-07-07T21:43:00.000-07:002011-07-07T21:43:15.799-07:00

I'm really getting into mountain biking this season. I only really started last season, so I'm still a beginner. Learning anything new is challenging, but it seems to be good for me mentally.Yesterday I was talking to a friend about mountain biking and she agreed that it sounded very healthy. She said that there are very few times in life that we are just present in our own body, in the moment,

Jamienoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-69122934439131570932011-07-03T20:48:00.000-07:002011-07-03T21:11:04.552-07:00

Summer feels like it's officially here with the end of school and the long weekend. We even had sun this weekend, which was so nice!I've been trying to take more time for myself lately. I need to get a little better at it, but I'm working on it. I went out on Saturday night for a friend's birthday, went for a mountain bike ride today, and have a mountain bike ride planned for tomorrow night. So

Jamienoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-39043384201747003822011-06-24T15:45:00.000-07:002011-06-24T15:53:47.036-07:00

Today was my youngest daughter's preschool graduation and it was wonderful! She was so proud of herself and it was great to have a day just to celebrate how big she's getting.I admit, I teared up a few times today. I hugged her tight at one point and said, " I can't believe my baby is growing up!" She said, "I'm not a baby!", which made me smile, because she'll always be my baby.It's so strange

Jamienoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-49928308443775590972011-06-19T16:50:00.000-07:002011-06-19T17:03:36.422-07:00

Although I still haven't received a referral to a psychiatrist, I have been doing better. Although I didn't want to take any Paxil after working so hard to go off I, I decided to follow my doctor's orders and am now taking 10mg Paxil at night and 150mg Wellbutrin in the morning. After a week of doing that, I feel more level. I figured that in the state I was in I couldn't really fight for myself.

Jamienoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-83349303410087330662011-06-11T11:50:00.000-07:002011-06-11T12:01:05.462-07:00

This last week I feel like I'm going under and don't know what to do. Visiting my doctor hasn't been very productive. I've also asked for a referral to a psychiatrist (from my doctor) and haven't received one. I'm tired of making time to visit the doctor and getting nowhere. I'm really tired!I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness and hopelessness right now. I feel like running away.I know I have

Jamienoreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-59940911009391753172011-06-07T16:08:00.000-07:002011-06-07T16:38:02.493-07:00

An almost constant theme in my life is exhaustion. I think it's because the effort of functioning normally while highly depressed can be exhausting. And that's exactly how I'm feeling right now. I'm physically drained, ready to hide away, yet moving forward like a trooper, unable to take time out just because I'm tired.I'm letting the little things slide, like hitting snooze a few too many times

Jamienoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-46955857253720968392011-06-04T19:45:00.000-07:002011-06-04T20:05:11.061-07:00

I hate depression. I hate it because it takes beautiful days that should be awesome and turns them into a nightmare.Today we got up early and headed out to a mountain bike festival. The weather was beautiful (first warm sunny day we've had all spring), my husband was racing his mountain bike, and we were all looking forward to the festivities. I woke up with a headache and a sore throat - not a

Jamienoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-71824860891665532912011-06-03T07:00:00.000-07:002011-06-03T12:31:04.752-07:00

Squealing with delight over Christmas and birthday presents, running around the backyard like crazed animals chasing bubbles, or hanging from tree branches like hyper little monkeys are just a few of my children's normal actions. Although their general exuberance with life can be exhausting, I'm glad to see that it is a sign that they are not depressed.While reading the article "Depression: Not

Jamienoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-13192225766116653192011-06-02T16:38:00.000-07:002011-06-02T16:46:32.285-07:00

It's been an ugly two days at our house! Yesterday morning my five-year-old started the day at 6 a.m. vomiting and kept at it all morning. By the afternoon she had managed to keep down one Popsicle, which we both took as a positive sign. She was even hungry at dinner, but unfortunately couldn't keep it down.This morning she woke up feeling better, but my seven-year-old said her stomach hurt. "

Jamienoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-46031257356074387942011-05-31T19:58:00.000-07:002011-05-31T20:38:39.849-07:00

It's now been 35 days since I started weening off Paxil and 21 days since I started taking Wellbutrin and I actually feel like I'm leveling out!I'm not fully off Paxil yet. I'm taking 5mg every second day. If I skip that second day, I will experience full blown withdrawal symptoms. So I'm sticking with the 5mg every second day for now.I'm still taking 150mg of Wellbutrin and the side effects are

Jamienoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-32742768734720554272011-05-30T19:37:00.000-07:002011-05-30T19:53:43.049-07:00

Masters in Psychology.net has complied a list of the Top 50 Blogs about Depression. It includes a number of different blogs, including blogs by patients and therapists, blogs focusing on postpartum depression and bipolar. I'm very excited to be on it! If you're looking for a great list of blogs, check it out.While you're clicking, please jump over to Circle of Moms.com and vote for my blog to be

Jamienoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-90352099122501391712011-05-29T07:00:00.000-07:002011-05-29T07:00:04.534-07:00

The month of May is almost over and I"m feeling good about the blog challenge. I participated in the blog party on May 18 and took up the challenge to blog every day during the month of May, mental health month. The month"s almost over and I"ve done pretty good. But I want to do more.I desperately want to make a difference in the lives of others. I don"t know if this is because I want to give

Jamienoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-74696315901851259742011-05-28T08:53:00.000-07:002011-05-28T09:14:36.772-07:00

After recognizing that anxiety is a problem and deciding that I don't want to go back on 10mg of Paxil a day (I'm at 5mg every second day right now - almost off of it!), I decided to search for information about dealing with anxiety and I found a great resource!The Anxiety Disorders Association of British Columbia, or Anxiety BC. Their website is full of great resources and their programs are

Jamienoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-72660622735213615552011-05-27T07:00:00.000-07:002011-05-27T18:39:57.382-07:00

I sat down last night and counted the days that I have been on this journey of switching antidepressants. It's been 31 days since the very start and 17 days since I started taking Wellbutrin. It feels like it's been a lot longer.Today I saw my doctor and once again I left feeling very frustrated. Why is it so difficult to receive help for mental health issues from doctors?I wanted to talk to her

Jamienoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-6790235954582793092011-05-26T07:00:00.000-07:002011-05-26T07:00:01.938-07:00

This is so cool. I got an e-mail today that I've been included in the search for the top 25 mental wellness blogs by moms! What an honor to be considered for this. As you can tell, I'm very excited :-)You can vote once every 24 hours here. There are some really wonderful blogs in the list. Check out my friend Amy's blog Una Vita Bella. Another cyber-space friend is Gina's blog The Cracked Pot. I

Jamienoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-37797339949001289462011-05-25T07:00:00.000-07:002011-05-25T21:02:39.065-07:00

The other night I went for a mountain bike ride with a friend. As we got started I told her that I'd be taking it a little easy as I was feeling dizzy and a little shaky. (Yes, I realize throwing myself down a mountain on a bike in that condition probably wasn't the wisest decision, but I was careful and took it easy and got some exercise and fresh air).As we rode up to the top of the hill, we

Jamienoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-35853608032850187392011-05-24T07:00:00.000-07:002011-05-24T07:00:02.118-07:00

As I was searching the net for ways to help depression, I came across a frequently used recommendation - exercise. I chuckled a little when I read this and thought to myself that the author of that article must not really truly understand depression.How can you recommend exercise to someone that can't get out of bed, that can't shower, that can't leave their house? Honestly, it seems like a bit

Jamienoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-85763310154386372862011-05-23T07:00:00.000-07:002011-05-23T07:00:09.693-07:00

Right now I'm feeling overwhelmed and anxious about this week. It feels like that anxiety is taking over right and it's making me mad.Today is a holiday (Victoria Day), which makes this week a short work week. Although a short work week is always nice, I have way too much to get done at work to miss a day. If you can't guess, my job can be stressful at the best of times. But this week I have

Jamienoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-3137218751823821922011-05-22T07:00:00.000-07:002011-05-22T07:00:01.570-07:00

I was thinking about relapses today and found an old post outlining past relapses with depression. I'm hoping that while I go through this medication change right now that I don't relapse again.Since receiving help for depression when I was 17 I have three major relapses. Here's a recap of my history.t took me about six months to level out on a medication in the beginning. That medication was

Jamienoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-73887625681408246302011-05-21T07:00:00.000-07:002011-05-21T07:00:05.969-07:00

I remember when I was a kid and cried that something wasn't fair, my mom would say, "Life isn't fair." It's kind-of become a mantra of mine as an adult.My mom has MS - Life isn't fairI have depression - Life isn't fairMy aunt died unexpectedly while getting ready for bed - Life isn't fairMy friend died in a car accident leaving behind a husband and two young kids - Life isn't fairMy grandparents

Jamienoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-75742466197796410682011-05-20T07:00:00.000-07:002011-05-20T07:00:01.348-07:00

Wikipedia describes panic attacks as, "periods of intense fear or apprehension that are of sudden onset and of relatively brief duration." If you've ever experienced a panic attack, you know that this description doesn't really sum up the terror that is a panic attack.Since switching medications, I've been experiencing non-stop panic attacks. You'd think that because I'm experiencing them all the

Jamienoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-13657223661366884412011-05-19T07:00:00.000-07:002011-05-19T07:00:07.625-07:00

I was looking through some past posts when I found this post of mine, "The misunderstanding of depression continues".I wrote this post a few years ago after receiving an e-mail from someone that had read my blog. He wrote that" depression is a western luxury and a side effect of the post-industrial revolution way of life."He went on to call my illness "depression crap," which really offended me.

Jamienoreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-39044583256424444442011-05-18T07:00:00.000-07:002011-05-18T07:00:08.150-07:00

Sometimes those of us with depression are willing to accept a life that is just okay, instead of aiming for living a life that is something more. Just recently I was doing exactly that.For the last several years I have been okay. I've been emotionally stable and steady, without any real highs or lows. You could say that I've been pretty numb emotionally, but sometimes when you suffer with

Jamienoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-37855778127350503612011-05-17T07:00:00.000-07:002011-05-17T07:00:00.584-07:00

I was searching for sites with information about how you can help a loved one with information. Some had good information, some had information I thought was terrible. Here's my take on the Dos and Don'ts of helping someone with depression.What would you add or change? I realize we are all different and all experience depression differently. If you could tell someone how to help you when you're

Jamienoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-61486534057670427442011-05-16T07:00:00.000-07:002011-05-16T07:00:02.030-07:00

My husband and I had a huge fight last night over nothing. It's been brewing for a while. He's been driving me nuts for no reason at all. Every time he opened his mouth this weekend, I just wanted to yell at him. Honestly, there were moments when I was biting my tongue so that I didn't freak out at an inappropriate time (like when we had a date night on Saturday night to see Thor). I realized

Jamienoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-18563885513668361402011-05-15T07:00:00.000-07:002011-05-15T07:00:01.170-07:00

I'm a big fan of the TV Show House. I really connect to the main character's emotional pain and his struggle with drug addiction (not that I've ever struggled with drug addiction, but I know how it feels to want something that will change how I feel inside, something that will take pain away). When the actor that plays Gregory House was open that he has struggled with clinical depression and

Jamienoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-70437409677318668032011-05-14T07:00:00.000-07:002011-05-14T07:00:00.211-07:00

I meant to post this yesterday, but with all the blogger issues, I just saved it for today.As I was looking at suicide help lines and information to tie into my tweets about suicide prevention for mental health month, the pain of my attempted suicide came back to me.Here's an except of a letter I wrote about that time (with a few edits) to someone that I knew that had attempted suicide and was in

Jamienoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-707486645260986112011-05-13T20:03:00.000-07:002011-05-13T20:07:14.958-07:00

Today I was a little shocked when I logged onto my blog to see that several of my recent posts were gone. When the posts were restored, I was still unpleased to see that many comments disappeared.So, if you commented on a post and don't see it, blogger has it hidden somewhere. Apparently they are in the process of restoring them. But I guess I'll just wait and see.It also messed up my scheduled

Jamienoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-86942646659396813592011-05-13T19:50:00.000-07:002011-05-13T20:03:55.410-07:00

Today is hopefully the end of a terrible week. As I sit here, my ears are ringing (and have been ringing all day), which is probably another medication related side-effect. I've had a raging headache for three days straight and have been pounding back Advil in an attempt to make life manageable. To top it all off, I've spent a lot of my week racing to the bathroom. Oh, it's been fun (can you hear

Jamienoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-68305614276652565622011-05-11T21:30:00.000-07:002011-05-13T13:40:34.613-07:00

Yesterday morning my daughter said something on the way to school that made my heart stop. She said, "I wish I were dead!"For a moment I couldn't breath. Did my seven-year-old angel really just say that? What did she mean? Did she really mean that she wished she were dead? This isn't the first time she's talked about herself being dead. It's something that she's a little curious about, especially

Jamienoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-62821562794349307082011-05-11T09:50:00.000-07:002011-05-13T09:49:17.962-07:00

According to PsychCentral, there is actually a positive side to depression. Stunning, I know. When I saw the title, I had to read the article. Check it out:Positive Effects of Depression, by Traci Pedersen, Associate News Editor, published May 5, 2011.According to research in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, depressed people perform better than healthy people in sequential decision tasks.As I

Jamienoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-91539394221281860412011-05-11T07:00:00.000-07:002011-05-11T07:00:06.682-07:00

After all the back and forth about prescriptions and what to do, I've gone ahead a filled a prescription for Wellbutrin (Bupropion) and have started taking it.Like all medications, it has a long list of possible side effects. I'm not going to list them all, I'm just going to go ahead with the medication, 150mg as my doctor prescribed to start, now that I'm down to 5mg of Paxil a day.Today I felt

Jamienoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-49060408189544688402011-05-10T07:00:00.000-07:002011-05-10T07:00:07.016-07:00

Mother's Day on Sunday has caused me to do some reminiscing about my decision to have children.Most couples probably don't struggle too much with the decision to have children. At least I can't imagine them having the same struggle that I went through before deciding to have kids. When you suffer from clinical depression or other mental illness, the decision to have children is a pretty difficult

Jamienoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-58352994888941338672011-05-09T07:00:00.000-07:002011-05-09T07:00:09.334-07:00

One thing I find interesting about being an individual that suffers from depression is that holidays and special occasions are never easy. For the rest of the mentally healthy world, events like Christmas, Easter, or Mother's Day seem relatively straight forward. These events don't tend to trigger depressive episodes in most people, not unless something tragic happened in relation to that

Jamienoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-41268046180651201862011-05-08T08:00:00.000-07:002011-05-08T16:23:29.229-07:00

In April, 18 year old Disney star, Demi Lovato, reveled that she is bipolar. I had recorded her 20/20 interview about her time in rehab, cutting, being bullied as a child and finally being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I just had a chance to watch it the other night and was proud of the young singer/actress for being honest about her mental illness.She shared that she began dealing with

Jamienoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-19482405359623688952011-05-07T08:07:00.000-07:002011-05-07T08:07:00.210-07:00

According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, suicide is preventable. Their site says, "While some suicides occur without any outward warning, most people who are suicidal do give warnings." In fact, 50 - 75% of all suicides gave some warning to family or friends.In my personal experience, I didn't give off any warning signs before I attempted suicide (aside from being severely

Jamienoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-63166129076902387782011-05-06T08:03:00.000-07:002011-05-06T08:03:00.353-07:00

Today is day 10 of weening myself from Paxil. I honestly thought by now it would be getting a little better and that I would be able to lower my dosage once more, but it looks like I'm going to have to take this process extra slow.Yesterday I saw my doctor to discuss my withdrawal symptoms:insomnianauseatingling arms/handsdizzinesssweating/too hot all the timeshakydiarrheaheadachesexhaustion (

Jamienoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-91541922206137322912011-05-05T08:00:00.000-07:002011-05-05T08:00:08.409-07:00

Google "herbs mental health" and you will get zillions of results trying to sell you something. I tried wading through the information, but must admit that I didn't get very far. But here is some useful information I found.1. St. John's WortIve heard lots about this herb through out my 17 years of taking antidepressants, but have never had an opportunity to try this herbal remedy as it can react

Jamienoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-64100615502941474542011-05-04T08:00:00.001-07:002011-05-04T08:00:02.808-07:00

Okay, after much talk with close friends and with a cousin that is also a nurse, I've decided to schedule another doctor's appointment to discuss the following:1. My weening schedule from Paxil - I think my withdrawal symptoms are too severe and it is becoming difficult to get through my day normally with the nausea and tingling.2. To request Wellbutrin instead of Cipralex. I realize the list of

Jamienoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-45580685119990476312011-05-03T08:00:00.000-07:002011-05-03T08:00:08.237-07:00

Last night I had my mom over for a short visit and I went through the list of possible side effects with Cipralex and Wellbutrin. She noticed something I didn't, that Cipralex may cause increased bruising and/or bleeding, which isn't a side effect I can actually risk. I'm already a bleeder/bruiser and any increase in that condition could be very detrimental. So Cirpalex is out.After we poured

Jamienoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-22935083511863183022011-05-02T08:00:00.000-07:002011-05-02T19:24:51.482-07:00

Before I can start my new medication, my doctor has instructed me to come off Paxil first. Right now I'm taking 1 pill every second day. On Tuesday I was scheduled to switch to taking Paxil every third day, but that depends on my quitting symptoms. I am having a few symptoms, so I googled them to make sure everything I'm experiencing is normal. Here's what I found.Frequently Reported Symptoms:

Jamienoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-81661814732031289682011-05-01T21:03:00.000-07:002011-05-05T21:17:05.633-07:00

The first week of May is Mental Health Week. The month of May is Mental Health Month. But what does all this mean? The APA has suggested two challenges - one is blogging every day on mental health issues during the month of May, and the other is a blog party for mental health on May 18. I'm going to try to do both.In addition to blogging about mental health, what else can we do? The Canadian

Jamienoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-58541257114770332542011-04-30T21:40:00.000-07:002011-05-01T10:07:35.352-07:00

Catherine Zeta-Jones recently stepped forward in an attempt to end the stigma surrounding mental illness when she came forward in People Magazine to reveal her recent diagnosis of bipolar II disorder, which is marked by prolonged periods of depression alternating with explodes of mild mania.She told People Magazine that "There is no need to suffer silently and there is no shame in seeking help".

Jamienoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-35665875825158424322011-04-30T09:48:00.000-07:002011-04-30T10:16:37.728-07:00

Yesterday I was at a conference for work when a person attending the conference googled me. She found this blog pretty quickly and within minutes of meeting me, knew all about my history of depression.At first I was taken back and embarrassed. Here was someone who knew a lot about me from a few minutes of reading this blog and I knew nothing about her. I didn't know what she thought of

Jamienoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-63320665499451979852011-04-26T19:39:00.000-07:002011-04-26T20:06:44.016-07:00

I visited the doctor today to discuss my depression and the extra weight that just won't come off my body.I'm going to go have my thyroid, blood glucose levels and a few other tests done to check and see if there is a medical reason that is keeping me from losing weigh. My doctor agrees that I have been doing all the right things to lose weight and it doesn't make any sense that it's been such a

Jamienoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-30043376488369912082011-04-21T20:00:00.000-07:002011-04-21T20:05:17.748-07:00

Do you ever wonder if something is depression or physical illness? Right now my legs are aching and I'm not sure why.I've been feeling achy and tired all day. It's only 8 p.m., but I just want to crawl into bed. And my head hurts. I know, sounds like I'm coming down with something, but that might not necessarily be true. It could actually be my depression.Sometimes I wonder what it would be like

Jamienoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-48851617132532564252011-04-18T20:28:00.000-07:002011-04-18T20:42:56.570-07:00

I must admit, I'm glad the weekend is over.Friday was my friend's memorial service. It was beautiful, painful, heart-wrenching, and a reminder of how wonderful she was. The service showed just how many lives she touched. Around 1,000 people were in attendance. The memories and the slide show brought tears, laughter and more tears. I still can't believe that such a beautiful light is gone from our

Jamienoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-76326419832451403642011-04-14T19:30:00.000-07:002011-04-14T20:11:43.984-07:00

It's been a rough week. I've been crying whenever I'm alone. I've been having panic attacks on a daily basis. I feel completely lost. I think it might be time to find a therapist.Yesterday while I was driving out to Costco, my heart was racing, I couldn't breathe, I was sweating and felt nauseated. For a moment I thought it was funny. Funny because if I didn't know what a panic attack was, I

Jamienoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-59731051641199911512011-04-06T21:29:00.000-07:002011-04-06T21:48:14.301-07:00

As you probably understand, the last few days have been difficult after learning of the death of my friend. At any given moment I find myself tearing up with memories or with the unfairness of it all.The problem is that I don't want to feel anything. I don't want to feel the pain or the emptiness or the anger. I just don't want to feel.But I'm learning that feeling and letting myself just feel

Jamienoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-25072940702599882032011-04-03T21:07:00.000-07:002011-04-03T21:20:59.169-07:00

Today I received some terrible news, my friend and her family were driving home from spring break last night and were in a car accident. My friend died in the accident. Her husband and two young kids are in separate hospitals recovering. I've spent the day in a state of shock. I feel numb and just want to hide away until the world becomes a fair place. I can't believe her children are going to

Jamienoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-36591258600529919392011-03-13T18:50:00.001-07:002011-03-13T19:00:54.816-07:00

If you are married or in a long term relationship, I have a question for you. How does your depression effect your relationship?My husband and I have been married 14.5 years. When we fight, we tend to lay it all out there, which is what he did today. He told me he resented me for being fat and not wanting to do anything. Although he doesn't really realize it, that fat and lack of interest is due

Jamienoreply@blogger.com43tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-56035697127322265502011-03-01T20:00:00.000-08:002011-03-01T20:36:40.742-08:00

I just finished watching Two and a Half Men star Charlie Sheen on 20/20 and I found it difficult to watch. His behavior was manic, he wasn't making sense and he seemed to believe that he truly is superior to everyone else. I remember when I was first diagnosed with depression and how hard that was to believe. I thought that the things that made me different, that my depression, made me superior.

Jamienoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-75026883343626117852011-02-13T20:45:00.000-08:002011-02-13T20:56:56.295-08:00

My oldest daughter brought home strep throat last week. After two days of cuddling her and being coughed on, I came down with strep throat too. Somehow the other members of the family stayed clear of the nasty illness.It's funny, when my husband gets sick, he usually powers through it, gets stuff done and gets better pretty quickly. But I wallow in my sickness. I want to hide in bed, I wonder "

Jamienoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-3415752749585626802011-01-26T21:27:00.000-08:002011-01-26T21:56:52.309-08:00

Today the sun broke through and pushed the rain away, literally speaking. Where I live in the pacific northwest it's rainy a lot of the time. We can go weeks without seeing the sunshine and sometimes it can be difficult. For the most part we just live with it, donning rain coats and rain boots, we go about business as usual, including walking the dog, playing sports outside, you name it. But

Jamienoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-83865684789379170102011-01-22T20:23:00.001-08:002011-01-22T20:38:49.292-08:00

Last night I received a phone call from my mom. She wanted me to run up to the hospital and see my Grandpa. Apparently he was in a bad way and this could be my last opportunity to say good-bye. I jumped in the car, drove two minutes to the hospital and then sat in my car in the parking lot fighting back tears. "I'm not emotionally up for this," I thought. "I can't do this."And I just didn't want

Jamienoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-91473583535257499032011-01-17T21:56:00.000-08:002011-01-17T22:03:44.216-08:00

I just read an excellent post at Dr. Deb's blog that I wanted to share with everyone - it's "When the Teacher is the Bully".I was bullied by my teacher in Grade 2 and it was very traumatic. She called me names, made me stand alone in the hallway, sent me to the Principal's office and generally made my life a living hell. I'll never forget Mrs. Trask.Mid-way through my Grade 2 school year I

Jamienoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-78388433492066303412011-01-14T20:16:00.000-08:002011-01-14T20:44:20.371-08:00

On Monday night I was sitting on the couch when the phone rang. My husband answered it and said, "Oh that's too bad. I'm really sorry."My Grandpa hasn't been doing well, so I sat there thinking, "It's Grandpa. He's died." My husband handed me the phone and my mom said, "Auntie Dorraine just died. She stood up and just fell over dead. They think it was a heart attack."I was in shock. To say that

Jamienoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-1677913117288646232011-01-09T20:46:00.001-08:002011-01-09T21:07:15.830-08:00

Since it's a new year, I've decided to update my blog design. There were a few designs in the blogger templates that were very beautiful. This one especially, though, caught my eye. I looks like a happy new beginning! Another "design" change scheduled for the new year is being actively present when I'm with my husband and kids. Yesterday I took the dog and my two girls to the beach. The sun was

Jamienoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-92196370440374859272011-01-05T19:19:00.000-08:002011-01-05T19:34:54.282-08:00

I am so glad that it's January! Christmas is already fading into a pleasant memory, while January, and a new year full of promise marches onward.I'm not sure why Christmas is such a difficult time for me, but it has been that way for a very long time. This year the Christmas depression came upon me earlier than usual, perhaps because I began planning and shopping for Christmas presents at the end

Jamienoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-19265702697179546552010-12-26T19:34:00.000-08:002010-12-26T19:38:05.090-08:00

I've been thinking about my current bout with depression and it really comes down to the fact that I'm Losing my Religion (yes, this is also a song by R.E.M., but every time I think about my current crisis of faith, I think about this song, so it seems appropriate to mention it).It's taken me a while to think through this loss and figure out exactly what is going on, but I think I finally have a

Jamienoreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-64395711242426141062010-11-20T20:39:00.000-08:002010-11-20T20:50:26.789-08:00

I realize it's been a while since I posted. I'm still here, I'm just going through a rough patch. It's rare that I go through a phase when I can't even put my feelings into words, but that's where I am right now.For some reason I'm questioning everything and nothing makes sense.And that's all I have in me tonight.

Jamienoreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-10994534947549926212010-10-03T15:50:00.000-07:002010-10-06T12:17:30.614-07:00

I recently asked a reader of mine named Takashi if I could share his experience with depression on my blog. I wanted to learn how depression is experienced and treated in his home country, Japan.Thank you, Takashi, for sharing your experience with me and all the visitors of this site. I appreciate your honesty. I know you have a purpose in this world, even if you haven't found it yet, and know

Jamienoreply@blogger.com35tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-26994188172827143982010-09-30T20:36:00.000-07:002010-09-30T20:42:35.498-07:00

As all of this was happening inside my head, I must admit that other outside events were taking place that may have played a part in the start of what would later be diagnosed as a depressive illness.A few months prior to my 13th birthday in 1989, I went from a school of two to one of a hundred. My mother, a former elementary school teacher, started home schooling me in grade three and my brother

Jamienoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-36112416390519660572010-09-21T19:58:00.000-07:002010-09-21T20:10:44.961-07:00

I'm still wearing my emotions on my sleeve and bursting into tears on a regular basis when I think about my friends and the living hell that they are going through right now. I'm doing my best to cope and to separate their lives and the consequences of their life choices from my own life. It is difficult, but I'm realizing that it's okay to be happy about the good that is going on in my own

Jamienoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13406938.post-54516289265113109842010-08-24T11:12:00.000-07:002010-08-24T11:13:07.006-07:00

Sometimes because of my depression, I feel as though my emotions are like a frayed cord, handing out exposed at all times. Everyone else in the world has some sort of insulation around their emotions to protect them, but I walk through with my emotions constantly feeling raw because of the incessant friction.The last few days has felt like a little bit of an emotional roller coaster ride. Three

Jamienoreply@blogger.com19